Restaurant peeves; from servers, and from diners

Whether for business or leisure, most travelers eat most of their meals in restaurants, especially in the evening. Often dining in a fine restaurant, while traveling, is more than satisfying hunger. It can be an evening’s entertainment. It’s a chance for conversation, perhaps music, relaxation, and being pampered (no dishes after the meal).
Unfortunately, sometimes an evening out doesn’t meet expectations, and isn’t good by any measure. At times it’s the food, and other times it’s poor service which ruins the night.
For some diners, the evening’s pain can be “self inflicted!” Boorish behavior, immoderate demands, and unreasonable expectations on the part of diners can ruin their evening.
Mutual respect between servers and diners is a key to a great restaurant evening out.
I’ve had occasion to talk with servers over the years. Here’s my impression of servers’ top 5 peeves about diners:
1. Speaking, texting, or emailing on one’s cell phone while engaging a server to answer questions about the menu, specials, food choices, etc., is considered especially rude. Servers understand when diners politely excuse themselves for an emergency call (they do happen occasionally), but I agree with servers who think it’s more than impolite to text or email while the server is speaking. Surely texting and emailing can wait a few minutes.
2. Berating a server, especially in a loud voice, because one’s food wasn’t cooked properly is unfair. If the food’s lousy, diners certainly have the right to complain, and should complain. I certainly do, however, we should all remember the server is just that, the server, not the chef. The server is the diner’s liaison to the kitchen. Explain what’s wrong, and ask the server to have it rectified. If the problem is bad enough, ask for the maitre d’ or manager. Treating the server with respect while making your kitchen complaint can pay dividends.
A couple of years ago my wife and I, with another couple, were at an expensive restaurant in Philadelphia. While the meal started well, and the service was wonderful when our entrée was brought to the table it was awful. Two meals were ice cold, and the other entrées were horrible with the poultry not done. We spoke to our server calmly, who immediately brought over the manager. He asked to make it up to us. Because it would take time to cook new entrées, he served us an addition course (gratis). The new entrées were fine. After dessert, we got the bill. Only our drinks and wine were on it.
3. When dining at an upscale restaurant I agree with servers that asking for separate checks for each person is an unreasonable request. It will cause unfair problems for the server. If asked as seated, the table’s order likely be put into the order system as separate orders to generate separate bills. That will probably cause the table’s food to not be ready simultaneously, an unwanted outcome. If you ask at the end of the meal, the server will be unfairly required to figure out what food belongs to each person and do the calculations themselves, and probably have to reenter the order into their order/billing system. Mistakes are likely.
If diners want separate checks, the solution is easy. Everyone should bring enough cash and do the “math” themselves.
4. Servers constantly encounter diners who place cellphones, sunglasses, MP3 players and other small items on the table, then get upset when the server spills water on them, or has a hard time serving the meal around them. Personal items belong in one’s pockets or in personal purses or bags.
5. Servers don’t understand what diners expect of them, or the restaurant, when they eat their meal in silence, then complain about it when their plate is clean. After all, if a diner cleans their plate, how bad could it have been?
That’s the server side of the table. Here are my 5 top restaurant and server peeves:
1. I understand in some locations their are droughts and diners are expected to ask for water at the table, if desired. In that case, there should be a discrete sign on the table, or the server or person seating diners should explain it immediately when they seat them. Otherwise, servers should either bring water to table within a few short moments of the diners being seated, or take their water order, if a choice is available.
2. On the subject of water, don’t serve me tap water without ice, or if serving me bottled water, make sure it’s been chilled in advance. If I’m going to pay for it, it had better be cold.
3. I’m getting older, and like many, my eyesight isn’t perfect. I want a menu in front of me, at my table, with adequate light to read it. I don’t want the menu on light boards or chalk boards on a distant wall of the restaurant, so the server has to tell me what each item is, then repeat it because I can’t remember the beginning of the menu by the time we’ve reached its end.
4. On the subject of menus, list what’s in the dish and what accompanies it, otherwise the server is going to be very unhappy explaining each and every appetizer, entrée, and dessert, before I will place my order.
Serving water timely, and having a decent menu shows me the respect I’m due as a diner.
5. Server’s, don’t roll your eyes and get upset, when two couples are out together and ask to split the bill in half, putting each half on a separate credit card. It’s not the same as separate checks, and it isn’t difficult. This is a no brainer. Smile and you’ll be happy with the tip, frown and expect the worst.